no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
this just has baby written all over it
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
did i walk over a car last night?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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