Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
