In the future we'll all be gay
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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