be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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