Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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