U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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