i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
