I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
