He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
