I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
