textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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