i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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