If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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