I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
