your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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