dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Is Oprah even human
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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