conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
