That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
