So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
