I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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