She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
