I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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