Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
