my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
