We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
