Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
