I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
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