do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
