i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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