My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
