I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
