you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The police scanner is talking about you again....
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
