Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
