I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
