I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
It's rum buckets o'clock
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
