I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
