he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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