well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize
