Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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