she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
