Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
