i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
