We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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