I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
