1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
