just survived the first fart of the relationship.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
