i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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