.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I need to calm my uterus...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
