Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
