btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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