i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
