I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
